almost 22!

This is my last week as a 21 year old :/

im excited for my birthday but not for turning 22, lol. i know it isint old and stuff but i know many people that are 22 and have done so much with their lives and im stuck, doing nothing :( im so freakin lazy! hahaha! this is gonna be the first year of my life to celebrate my birthday without my parents.. makes me kinda sad because ever since i could remember they sing happy birthday to me and my siblings early in the morning the day of our bithday, im sure they'll call but it wont be the same. I am excited to spend it with a bunch of friends though, i have yet to decide what i wanna do though... everything is so damn expensive these days and everyone is always broke, but im looking forward to it :]

Lost...

Im so far, but yet you hold me so close...

Who am i that you still think of me? I'm not worthy.

That you hear me even when I'm not calling out to you because i refuse to say your name.

I don't deserve the things you do for me because right now, i want nothing to do with you.

Once again i find myself seeking the things i know wont make you happy, but make me happy for at least a couple of hours, once again i find myself deep into the hole that i have dug all on my own, I don't ever see myself improving from where i am because i refuse to see and let you take me where you want to take me. I gotta admit that I'm scared. I'm scared that i'll end up messing everything up, I'm scared people wont take me seriously because they know how i am and have seen me fail..and the reason which I'm scared the most is..

what if i wasn't meant for anything? what if because I've failed on you so many times and given up on you time after time, there just isn't anything you have for me.

I'm lost.

I wanna be found.

I wanna be TRULY found.

The kind of found that i'll forget where and why i was lost.

I want to give you my all, but whole heartedly. No shortcuts, no skips and jumps.

I want to FIND YOU because i know you've already found me.

Find you, want you, need you, LOVE you!

I want to love you more than i've ever loved in my whole life.

I want to forget everything and i want everything to forget the old me, start off completely new, i want to feel like you have a purpose for me in this life. That i wont always be stuck and lost in this hole that i keep digging and digging, hoping that someday ill finally hit rock bottom but knowing that it's a bottomless pit..

Save me.

Rainy, boring Monday.

It's been about 3 days without my parents, man time really does go slow! the first day my mom would call all the time, but she's cut back now which is good because she needs to stop worrying so much about us when were doing perfectly fine :]

so i was suppose to be filling in for my mom at her job till she gets back but her boss hasn't called me or anything :( i was really looking forward to that because with the money i get paid there I'm gonna use to celebrate my 22nd birthday and pay the deposit for the cruise me, my sis and bro are going to in October.. man am i excited about that!

so Saturday night was a long, crazy night! I hung out with my best friend, my brother and a couple of his friends. I've met them all before but i was always drunk or didn't pay much attention to them lol, any who they're all super cool and funny! i had a great time but i totally overdid it with the drinking. Never, ever, ever mix drinks! man that seriously messes you up so bad! i woke up with the worst hangover in the history of my hangovers, lol. I'm not doing that again in a good while for sure!

next weekend is gonna be pretty fun too, this time we wont drive to the club, go in for 1 minute and go back home, lol.

Parentless

My parents left to El Salvador last night for almost 4 weeks! It's gonna be a pretty great vacation for both them and us, lol. I'm more than 100% sure I can't handle all the things my mom would usually do around the house, I mean I'm the one who usually does them when my mom can't and I know I won't get alot of help coming from my siblings so ehhh..
Today starts the first day of our freedom, hahaha! Although my mom did call to wake me up already. I just hope she's not calling 24/7 to check up on us because then it's gonna be like she's practically here (my dad said to just not answer her phone calls, lmao) I already dropped my lil bro off at school, it's pretty early and I kinda wanna hit the sheets again but if I do I won't wake up till like 11 and that's a whole morning gone to waste! I need to go grocery shopping for this week and that means like easy to make food, haha. We never have time to eat at home when it comes down to making a big meal so i'll pick a day outta the week to do that :]
Anywho.. Great start I should say, let's see if I make it till feb 9th :]


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cheeeaaaa!!

My parents are leaving for 3 weeks to El Salvador! im sure im gonna miss them but man, its gonna be great a vacation for us too! lol.

Waiting in line at the court house..

I promised myself that I was gonna blog everyday, lol. It's been 2 days since my last post.. I just simply don't find anything interesting to post about.. Haha.
So I'm waiting in line at court to see if I could get an extension to pay my ticket, this and next month are gonna be my worst months financially because I had so many days off/vacation at work :( sucks because my birthday is in less than a month and I'm not gonna be able to go out and I don't want my parents to spend any money on me either because their also pretty tight with money :\
Schedule changes are coming up at work and I'm praying and hoping to God that they give me extra hours or an extra day, right now I'm off on Fridays because we don't have alot of kids and they don't need an extra staff but we just recently got 4 new kids, hopefully this means I'm in for Fridays! It's only 3 hours more but man does that make a difference!
I hate coming to the court house, so many rude and nasty people. There's this guy right behing me and my little brother, I swear he's a freakin human chimany! He smokes one, puts it out and pops another in! I hate that small so bad!
Ummm, so yesterday I got to see my best friends ultrasound pics, it's just made me 1000 times more excited for the baby :]
I can't wait till he/she is here but that won't be till July.. Sucks because I won't see it for a whole month because we're leaving to El Salvador (which I'm super excited about)
That's pretty much all I have for today, hehe :]
Until next time, see ya <33

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

First post :]

I never know how to start these things! lol.

Well since im new to this blog i guess it would be right to start off with a bit about myself :p

My name is Johanna Vanessa Navarrete, i usually go by Vanessa just because ive always disliked my first name... i always thought it sounds kinda manly, haha!! Im 21, soon to be 22. Ahhhh!! :0

yeah, its a young age but i feel like i should be so much more ahead of where i am now. About me.. i can say so much. Im seriously a one of a kind girl, im sure you hear that everywhere from people but once you get to know me you'll know i was right. If you ask people i know to describe me, im sure funny will be in there. I'm all about being funny, it's just who i am, i dont ever try to be because it comes naturally.. i think it has alot to do with my family, were all just a bunch of crazy, loud, very united Salvadorians (which i love and have pride of being) so if your ever around me, be sure that ill make you laugh, one way or the other :)

Im a girl of my word, no matter what. Im very outspoken.. yeah, i guess its a bad and good thing at the same time. I’m not dumb, i know how i should be treated and how to be spoken to and i will never settle for nothing other than the best, you cant play around with this girl. I have tough skin because I’ve learned from many experiences and seen many things, but at the same time i wont let the bad experiences overcome the good things that have happened in my life. I’m a very caring and lovable person. I’m an optimistic, no matter what you've done or where you are in life i always see the best out of people.. maybe a little too much. I will never be the boring one in the bunch, you can trust me on that :] yeah, i also have my crazy side and what a crazy side it is.. haha, but that me only comes out on special occasions, haha ;) Im a huge animal lover, like huuuuge!! I love my babies (my chihuahuas roxy and princess) to death!!

overall im just me :D